I try to be a friend to people; that’s just how I am. So it shouldn’t be surprising that people tell me their deepest darkest secrets, their funniest jokes, their most tear-jerking tales and horrendous histories. I’m not a professional counselor or anything, but I have learned over the past few decades that what most people want is just for somebody to listen. They aren’t necessarily looking for help, advice, or direction. They just want five minutes to unload. And unloading can be therapeutic whether the listener is a therapist, pastor, or psychologist.
I’ve got this friend who has had a rather checkered sexual past, to say the least and she has unloaded whole volumes of hilarious sexual disasters and misdeeds to me. I’m going to tell you about them now. Don’t worry, I have her permission. I assure you that you will pee in your pants from laughing before you are finished reading, just as I always did whenever we would talk. She doesn’t do much writing, so she asked me if I would write a book about her exploits and adventures (while not mentioning her name, of course.)
Writing a book is serious work. I know, because I have done it. So whereas I haven’t compiled her tales into a book, well this is the next best thing. She is okay with that.
This blog is dedicated to her, and the following comprises a verbatim account of what she told me. From here on out, I quote:
“I believe in honesty for the most part, so I’ll give it to you straight. What I want to do is to make an exchange. Frankly I’m broke like the majority of my acquaintances so I’m trying to make an extra dime just like everybody else. I had one swell idea: A Christian Brothel, Resort, and Spa. But the legal ramifications and the unlikelihood of being able to remain anonymous like I can here made me put that plan on hold for a while.
In the meantime, I want people to read this and laugh at my expense. I’m hoping that these words will one day be printed in a book; and if they buy the book then we will have made a fair exchange and everybody wins! I predict that they will laugh, not because I am a comedian, but rather because I am dead serious. People always laugh at me whenever I’m being my most sincere serious self. Every single incident and anecdote will be 100% based on fact. Only the names will be changed to protect the guilty and allegedly innocent.”
That’s what she told me, just like that. I like the idea and since I already know the stories I agree with her that whether you agree or disagree with her; whether you love or hate her, one thing is for certain: you will not be able to resist laughing out loud. So read on, dive right in and enjoy your reflection in the mirror.
A word of caution! This is NOT a guidebook. This blog is not intended for explicitly educational or overtly religious purposes. Nor is it merely to poke fun at human sexuality. It is neither to condone nor to condemn her promiscuity. It is simply to fulfill promise that I made to her to make a written account of some of the observations she has made during the last 35 years of her active sexuality. While you’re laughing, you’re free to think whatever you like. I merely write these tales as a witness. I will blog in the same first person point of view in which these accounts were related to me:
- Think more about sex! (salon.com)
- Is Sexual Chemistry Overrated? (dangerouslee.biz)
- Healing Sex. (elephantjournal.com)
- Call for submissions for the conference: “Sex and the marketplace: what’s love got to do with it?”, in Buenos Aires (feministalternativemagazine.com)
- After the Misdeed (bareskinned.wordpress.com)