The Wayward Butt-Bullet (Part 8)

English: This pottery model toilet with pig is...

English: This pottery model toilet with pig is in the Shaanxi History Museum, Xi’an, China (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now I had a heavily stained towel, to put it mildly, but the mysterious butt-bullet must have found some type of pocket in which to hide itself along the walls of my intestine. It was the only answer. ARE there pockets in the intestines??? Oh, why had I let that advisor convince me NOT to take the anatomy class back when I was at the community college?

I redoubled my efforts, determined to make the blamed thing dislodge itself, but I only succeeded in pushing out a lot of liquid matter and finally a huge and painful hemorrhoid. Now I was sweating profusely and to see me, anyone would have assumed that I really was about to give birth to a small child. I crawled to the toilet, humiliated beyond measure and thinking of my last resort: GOD, the creator of these fearfully and wonderfully made bodies. Dang it, I really had not wanted to involve Him in this, but what else could I do?

Right then and there on the toilet, I vowed that if He would just release that dreadful bullet from my body that I would never, EVER insert anything electronic and that color and that doesn’t have some type of cord attached to it for easy removal, etc. Even then, it took several minutes of anguished crying and pushing over the toilet before I heard the tell-tale thump of something fall, splash and roll to the back of the bowl.  The relief and exuberance that I felt, erupted into heartfelt praise and thanksgiving. And I have since that day kept my promise to the Man Upstairs.

One thought on “The Wayward Butt-Bullet (Part 8)

  1. Ok, I don’t know whether to continue chuckling with tears streaming down or just allow myself to erupt into a volcanic guffaw! Picturing the prayers and supplications and vows was particularly hilarious. Thank you for your humorous manner in which you treat such delicate topics! And by the way stranger objects have been re-cooperated from human anuses in the emergency department.

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