I know you are dying to know how on earth I could have overlooked something as obvious as a third HAND on a person! But please note that I did not say he had three hands. I said I discovered that he had 3 fists, and believe me, there is a huge difference. A very painful difference.
In my defense, let me say that there was no way to have known, because the fist actually lived inside his underwear. Who would have thought to look there? Not me! Not BEFORE agreeing to intimacy with him. I admittedly have not historically been as discriminating as I later began to pride myself about being. But at the very least I have always demanded to know the first name of the person…well, embarrassingly there WAS that one time that I didn’t know what his name was, but I’ll explain why that wasn’t my fault at some other time.
But I knew so much more about this guy than his first and last name and his former career and his current career! Well, there is the fact that I’m not quite sure what he was selling that brought him so much money. I mean, now that I think about it, how does a man from Columbia come here and make so much money? Unless…
Whatever. The point is that I learned from the violence done to me by his extra fist to make one of the criteria before sleeping with someone to actually see in the plain light of day what they are going to use on or in or against me.
So, on our first encounter (and, while I’m being honest, let me admit that there were only three total with this guy) we are barely inside the plush hotel room when he playfully attacks me, grabbing me and wrestling me to the bed. That’s cool, you know: keep the fun in it.
He rips my clothes off and I’m tearing away at his, too, between furiously passionate kisses. And when he has me undressed, he slows the pace and goes down, down, down, kissing me everywhere and then you-know-where! Okay, so this is totally unexpected behavior from an almost complete stranger but I’m glad for both of us that he totally trusts me this way. For the record, let me tell you that just because a person is not a great kisser, it does NOT mean that they are incapable of giving truly over-the-top oral sex. So, by all means don’t jump to conclusions. Give a guy a chance. You may both end up very happy.
Still, even those heavenly moments were not completely uninterrupted by something that kept nudging my subconscious to get my attention. OH! It was that thing that felt sort of like a brick that every now and again kept brushing up against some part of my shin or knee while he was eating me that way. Why the heck would a brick be in the bed of a really nice hotel room?! Exactly. If you just asked yourself that question, then we are definitely on the same page here.
- Travel Cheap With a Trunk That Transforms Into Its Own Hotel Room (gizmodo.co.uk)
- Fist Pumping Friday – Euphoria (tobagowoman.com)