So, yes as you already guessed I allowed him to come over immediately, no more excuses. I was dying with anticipation. Oh, would to God that the anticipation had killed me indeed! That way I would never have had to see the face of the ugliest man with whom I was ever destined to have sex. (Just in case you are wondering, the answer is YES. Roberto IS the guy who I referred to formerly when I said I’d only ever had sex with one truly ugly person in my whole life.)
Let me do the honor of asking the question so you won’t have to do it: Why on earth would I voluntarily have sex with what has to be the ugliest human being on the face of the earth? Well, the answer lies right within the question.
As a matter of fact I did not volunteer at all. I was so taken aback at the sight of him that I literally gasped, but when he unexpectedly popped the trick question, “I’m not too ugly for you, am I?” I failed miserably. How can you tell a person that you want to run away and hide underneath your bed because they seem to be the mythical Boogie man from whom you always hid as a kid? You can’t!
So we had to do it. But to my credit I was protesting and crying in self-pity the whole time. Or almost the whole time.
He embraced me as a greeting when I lied about him not being too ugly. And then things went from bad to worse. He used his weight to walk me backwards and close the front door with his foot behind him and then he literally attacked me with kisses. He wasn’t going to give me anymore chances to view his bulbous nose, pock-marked skin and lips that were fat and already wet.
He was kissing me and pawing me and ripping my clothes off like his very life depended on it. Yes, I was afraid, but not for the reasons you might imagine. Crazy stuff was going through my head like, Dear God what on earth will the child come out like if I get pregnant by this monster?
And then, totally catching me off guard, he pushes me onto the sofa because I am clawing him and threatening to call the police. In spite of my kicking and flailing and trying to pull my clothes back into place he murmurs gently, as though he is a completely sane person, “Baby why would you do something like that? I swear to you we won’t do anything you don’t want to.” And with that, he fell to his knees, pulling my underwear down with him and begins worshiping at the temple of my vagina.
- Ugly Is the New Pretty: How Unattractive Selfies Took Over the Internet (nymag.com)
- How to Have Sex With Someone You Don’t Think Is Hot (jezebel.com)