Sign for “London Handjob Centre” carwash company (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
My friend who I was telling you about was very inexperienced. And the guy she was with was pretty forceful and insistent. Two other things were working against her. Number one, he kept pushing her head down closer to him—in my opinion because what he really wanted was a blow job. But she didn’t know how to do that either. And number two, she’s a nurse with a genuine fascination with the human body, so she keep putting her face ever closer to his little rifle.
You can imagine what happened when this guy erupted. Gee whiz! He exploded right in her good eye. The left one. What would have been a totally wonderful moment for him was spoiled by her startled and then terrified screams. She was in both mental and physical agony as the burning started. He—a total moron—sat there speechless with a now-limp and empty prick.
Well, as you can imagine, she thought she was going blind because this was a long time ago before she became a registered nurse and found out that sperm in the eye does not actually necessarily lead to blindness.
Still, I feel very sorry for her every time I think about what she must have suffered for those first few minutes as they argued about whether to go to the hospital: he didn’t have a valid license and she temporarily had only one valid eye, which wasn’t even the good one. Neither of them wanted to be responsible for the exorbitant costs of ambulances. (Have you called an ambulance lately?! OMG) Neither of them had insurance because he didn’t have a job–unless you counted the illegal drug transaction–s and she only worked part-time as an NA. Neither of them wanted to explain how she came to have a massive load of sperm in her left eye.
Okay, so she didn’t die and she didn’t go blind, but that is not the point. I just want everyone to know how seriously dangerous it can be to attempt the intricate art/science of jerking a guy off if you have no clue what you are doing. So BE CAREFUL. Absolutely no good came from her foray into this unknown terrain. Well, accept that she allowed her infatuation with the workings of the human physique to lead her to go back to school and become an official RN. But some people would say that the two things were not even related. Me, I know differently.
Again, you have been warned! And if I were you, and I was with a guy who wanted a hand job…well, I’d just tell him to go jack himself off!
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