Sperm in the Eye? Blindness may Result! (part 1)

English: Hand made penis&pussy candy craft at ...

English: Hand made penis&pussy candy craft at “Kanamara Festival” Place:Kanayama shrine(Kawasaki Japan) 日本語: 神奈川県川崎市の金山神社で行われる「かなまら祭」の飴細工の露店で作られた性器を象った飴細工 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Listen, I’m going break one of my own cardinal rules against doing the unthinkable (gossiping) and I’m going to tell you something that a friend of mine told me. NO, I do not have her permission to do so, but so what? I doubt she will ever read this blog and even if she does, I’ll just pretend that I was not referring to her and the horrible blunder she had.

Besides all that, I justify telling you this because it is for your own good! So read on:

I am telling you that if you lack experience, please do not dive headlong into giving hand jobs; it could be fatal… or at least seriously detrimental to the health. When I was like 13, I was seeing this guy who was 17 and of course my parents were really against it, just like all parents would probably be. That meant we had to sneak and do everything. We didn’t honestly get very far before he just got plum fed up with my innocence and total lack of experience.

He was a superb kisser though and a really kinky guy. He was the kind that liked to tell you what he was going to do before he did it, making even the most absurd proposals sound delightful. He might say, for instance, “I’m going to f+*^ every hole in your body, including your ears and then between your toes.” From a distance of over 2 decades this just sounds downright stupid; but to 13-year-old ears it sounds spookily desirable. Especially when one imagines herself to be in love.

Well, one evening we had plenty of time on our hands to take our little adventures quite a bit further than kissing. He kept drawing my hand down to something that felt like a brick in his pants and being somewhat familiar with the male anatomy because I was an attentive student in Health class I knew what it must be in spite of that fact that I’d never imagined that the word “erection” meant anything like what I was feeling through his jeans. He finally unzipped his pants to let the animal loose and I felt my dinner about to come up from my stomach. Of course that would not have been my CURRENT reaction. We’re talking about my first time seeing a naked penis when I was just a grown-up acting kid. He put my trembling hand around the base of it and being that I’d never felt anything so weird (feverishly hot skin that was still just loose enough to move over that massive engorged flesh that seemed to house a freaking BONE somewhere inside) I started crying.  He was so peeved that he snapped at me when I didn’t know I was actually supposed to be moving my hand up and down the length of it. “Good grief! Haven’t you ever jacked a guy off before??”

Okay, not only had I never done such a thing. I had never even heard the phrase, so I couldn’t possibly know what it entailed! I bet they don’t even make 13-year-olds like that anymore, eh?

So that was my first and only jack-off disaster; but that’s because I’m a quick study at anything I do. You, on the other hand may not be. And if you’re not then I suggest you leave this task to the experts because you could get really hurt. In my case, only my ego was a little bruised, but I know of a dear friend who had a near emergency room visit! Let me tell you how that went:

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The Drooler (Part 5)

Kamasutra Sex Positions

Kamasutra Sex Positions (Photo credit: HostingCoupons)

Leatherchrissy

Leatherchrissy (Photo credit: Miss Leatherchrissy)

I was terrified as I felt him lengthening and stiffening by the second. I fought the primal thoughts screaming in my brain (“spank that butt, Daddy!!) and tried to weigh the possible consequences of whispering a warning, “be careful!” which didn’t seem exactly appropriate for the setting. I could control my words, but my body had a life of its own, my rump autonomously jacking itself up and backing up against him. This was the moment, I could tell; for better or for worse we were about to crash and burn together. And then…

WTH? Just as I felt a hot geyser exploding into my uterus and head for my brain, I felt dribble landing in the crack of my upturned anus!!

Okay, this was the turning point. My cerebrum went into stupefied shock for a millisecond as the implications of what had just happened hit me. My more sensible self told me that this was an outrage and utterly repugnant. I knew for sure this time that the man had lost control; but oddly some other self inside me, the one which was already in mid-orgasm thought about the amazing feeling of something that unusual happening, and in such a sensitive spot, too! The orgasm kicked up into overdrive and we both fell down, I exhausted, and he, comatose.

The moral: There is no limit to what the human mind can conceive of as erotic. A little drool can go a long way in ratcheting up a mediocre sexual encounter with someone nearly 20 years your senior!